The time is coming.
For four years now, I’ve been blending in. After high school, I decided I needed to take a break from being involved in things like band, choir, and theater – I was no longer humble.
Everything I did was because I wanted people to see how good I could be. When I realized that, I decided not to be involved in those things in college; I thought it would be for a year, but it turned out to be for all four years. Not that I didn’t want to. Every time I have attended a concert or performance for the past four years, I have longed to be a part of it. But I knew my heart wasn’t in the right place, so I couldn’t.
Now, I’m beginning to feel those desires and thoughts disappear. They are being replaced by new, exciting thoughts.
I’m ready to come out of hiding.
I want to change the world.
Over the past few months, I’ve seen how the world views Christians. It hurts my heart to see that we are known for the opposite of what it should be – for judging, not loving unconditionally; for hoarding, not sharing with the needy around us; for rejecting, not welcoming; and for indifference, not compassion.
This is not what following Jesus is supposed to look like.
For the first time in my life I feel “called.” I don’t know what else to call it, really. I have this crazy ridiculous desire to be different. I want to show people that it doesn’t have to be that way.
I’m still figuring out how that is going to look in my life, but I know that I am passionate about sacrificing for the poor. What right do I have to have a fancy car or expensive clothes when so many people are starving?? I don’t. That’s not a very fun thought, but right now I feel like I can’t live a normal, comfortable, American lifestyle when there are people dying for reasons that could so easily be helped if only we were willing to sacrifice some of our own comfort.
Right now, I do not feel called to give up everything, and go be a missionary or live on the street or anything, but I know that I can make a difference while still living in a house (just a bit smaller one) and having a job doing what I love (Graphic Design). Who knows, maybe that will change, but for now, I think I can make a difference where I am.
I know that things are changing inside of me because I know longer want to stand out so that people notice me. I want to stand out so that people see God in me. I want them to ask me – why? So that I can tell them – because of God’s amazing love.
And that is why I know the time is coming for me to live out my faith and change the world – or at least a little bit of it.